Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML
70 comments — May 24
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Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML
46 comments — May 23
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Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML
108 comments — May 20
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Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML
43 comments — May 19
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Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
79 comments — May 14
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Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML
132 comments — May 13
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Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
101 comments — May 13
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Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
134 comments — May 10
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Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML
83 comments — May 07
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Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML
75 comments — May 07
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Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML
117 comments — May 07
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Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML
66 comments — May 02
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Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
150 comments — May 01
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